i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
