i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
