Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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