..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
