Will you blow on my dice?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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