college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
