My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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