He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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