Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
