note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
