I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
