Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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