your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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