Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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