turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
