So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
