People in love make me want to vomit
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
