From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
