Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
