How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
