i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
