the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
