Plan B is the new Plan A
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
