My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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