I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
