I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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