Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
