he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
