how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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