I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
