I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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