sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
