I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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