i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
