I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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