spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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