There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
