No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
