I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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