She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
