He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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