Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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