oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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