guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
