I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
