don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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