she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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