remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
