alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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