i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just high enough for therapy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
