This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
