We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
