I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
