are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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