when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
