Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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