I just cut my nipple shaving
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
