Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
