Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
